Going on the Wildest Ride Ever
I think that I am about the experience a the wildest, challenging most interesting rides I have taken in a long time. They would compare to those of my childhood I imagine except now I am the adult and my 14 year old daughter, yes I said 14 is the child. I am lucky right now she is looking at this trip up the east coast to New Jersey, positively and looking forward to it. So let's hope that when we wake up on day two in our hotel room, ready to head out on the road for another day of driving, that she has the same outlook! Hmmm. I will blog about that at a later time. However, I am preparing for the good and the bad. I have her favorite music downloaded on my Iphone. I have all sorts of things to keep her busy on my Ipad and she of course has her own books and Iphone for texting. Did I say I have planned ahead for snack destinations and pit stops. I did offer to bring my laptop computer to play movies on but she opted out an lovingly told me that she wished to "talk" to me instead. Hmmm again I thought. We do have a great relationship I consider myself to be a extremely lucky mother to have such a close relationship with my daughter and so few bumps in the "road of life" if I may? When those bumps happen they are usually big but we deal. So I will sign off for now and jump back on to fill you in on how our trip is going in a few days. We have been looking forward to spending this time together just she and I for a few months now and I hope that it is all that we have made it to be in our heads. We are packing up now and leave on the 17th the day after she turns 14. We are getting excited. More later.
Work In Progress
I have often felt the step parent label we attach to men and women who marry into families where children already exist, was coined merely for the simple reason that we need to call them something. It is mostly because it is a huge "step" in their lives taking on someone else's children and making a completely new living environment. At least that is how I used to feel many years ago when I first became a stepmother to my husband's children. They for the most part lived with their mother but for a number of years we were honored to have his eldest son live with us at the beginning of his most sensitive years. The teen years! I was already privileged to have my own daughter who was 4 years younger. With that much of an age difference and the gender difference there really were no battle lines to draw between the two of them just between the two of us. We did learn to adjust and grow together as a family over the years to adapt to our new family arrangement and to become comfortable with each other. My own child also going through her own issues shuffling back and forth every other weekend between me and her fathers place(material for another blog there) but this actually helped because I was able to spend one on one time with my "step" son and that drew us even closer. However, I still felt somewhat like an outsider, infringing on foreign territory. There was a definite boundary that could not be crossed. Since my husband and I had no children between us I often lamented on what I would never know. Modern tools of communication however helped to bridge this feeling of alienation. When our son moved back home, thousands of miles away we were afraid that we would never hear from him again. That he was done with us but through texting and social networking we were able to continue communicating with him as well as other family members, and with great importance my daughter because she had grown so close to him and looked up to him. Things are still working themselves out he is a senior this year and we are keeping the lines of communication open. It is a work in progress so we will see where the road takes us.Helpful Resource
Old Dogs Can Learn New Tricks
It is much harder to teach an adult these days new technology vs a child that has grown up with this technology all his life. Children these days assimilate with this new technology, taking it in stride as if it is a natural phenomenon rather than accommodating it which is what we in our generation seem to do. Kids these days view computers , the internet and PC's as we viewed Television and Walki Talki's. Our way of thinking needs to change in order for us to find a level playing field to work and communicate within for our children's sake. For this reason we need to teach our "Old Dogs" new tricks and bridge the gap of communication with use of electronics and web 2.0 tools that we have at our disposal.
Life Dangers
How do you open up to the topic of the dangers of life on the internet and otherwise? With smaller aged children hopefully they are not accessing the internet without your knowledge, permission or supervision. But with your older children, tweens and teens this can get a little more difficult. They are trying to exert their independence and fight with you, telling you to trust them and that they "know what they are doing." Not so. They are unaware of predators that are out there and need you to keep tabs on what they are doing discreetly or blatantly, which ever way works for you.
It is a sensitive area because you don't want to unduly frighten your children. On the other hand, you want them to be aware.
One danger that has become more prominent in recent years is Cyber Safety and Online Sexual Predators. I believe the realistic approach is to simply tell children honestly and quietly that everyone in the world is not like Mommy and Daddy. There are many nice people but there are bad people too. Let then know that everything in life isn't necessarily good. If you aren't careful some bad things can happen. That in any situation you need to use your head and your brains to figure out what to do.
Talk with your children and go through a variety of real-life scenarios. They can be internet and stranger danger scenarios because both would be pertinent to their little lives. Work through the scenario with them and ask them what they should do in each case. For instance if a stranger approaches them in public or if a stranger IM's them in a chat-room what should they do? First ask them what they would do? See if they actually already have an idea of how to handle the situation. I as a technology teacher teach this beginning with Kindergarten. They may have some idea of what to do already or none at all. Give then helpful hints and suggestions on what they can say or do in these instances so a child will know in advance how to find help and how to help themselves and get out of a sticky situation.
I do agree that it is sad that we have to warn our children in this day and age but it is a reality. Too many of our children are abducted, abused, kidnapped or killed. This is reality and we should take the time when we have it to make our children wiser for it. Remember you are not frightening them you are empowering them helping them to make quick decisions in a brief amount of time and become responsible in order to stay out of harms way. Isn't that what we all want ultimately for all of our children?
It is a sensitive area because you don't want to unduly frighten your children. On the other hand, you want them to be aware.
One danger that has become more prominent in recent years is Cyber Safety and Online Sexual Predators. I believe the realistic approach is to simply tell children honestly and quietly that everyone in the world is not like Mommy and Daddy. There are many nice people but there are bad people too. Let then know that everything in life isn't necessarily good. If you aren't careful some bad things can happen. That in any situation you need to use your head and your brains to figure out what to do.
Talk with your children and go through a variety of real-life scenarios. They can be internet and stranger danger scenarios because both would be pertinent to their little lives. Work through the scenario with them and ask them what they should do in each case. For instance if a stranger approaches them in public or if a stranger IM's them in a chat-room what should they do? First ask them what they would do? See if they actually already have an idea of how to handle the situation. I as a technology teacher teach this beginning with Kindergarten. They may have some idea of what to do already or none at all. Give then helpful hints and suggestions on what they can say or do in these instances so a child will know in advance how to find help and how to help themselves and get out of a sticky situation.
I do agree that it is sad that we have to warn our children in this day and age but it is a reality. Too many of our children are abducted, abused, kidnapped or killed. This is reality and we should take the time when we have it to make our children wiser for it. Remember you are not frightening them you are empowering them helping them to make quick decisions in a brief amount of time and become responsible in order to stay out of harms way. Isn't that what we all want ultimately for all of our children?
Blended Families
I know that I did not mention this in my opening but I wish to share with you that my daughter and I are in a blended family situation. This will way in and become important and pertinent with future topics and references that I may make in future blog postings.
I remarried a man from MN and have had no children with him but my ex husband remarried a local woman and has two children with her. My daughter goes back and forth every two weeks and spends weekends with her father but it changes in the summer where she is required to spend 5 weeks with him.
Ex- spouses have a way of making life miserable even if the divorce is pleasant. Your ex might disappoint them, make impossible promises to them, teach them bad habits and then you are left dealing with the fallout. There are no easy answers just know this can happen and be honest with your kids about it. Try not to get emotionally wrapped up in it so that it poisons your relationship with your ex or your kids and try to help them see what they are doing but don't get them so involved that they feel as though they need to pick sides. Focus on your own relationships, not your past. Do your best to prepare your kids and your step kids for the future and life in the real world.
I remarried a man from MN and have had no children with him but my ex husband remarried a local woman and has two children with her. My daughter goes back and forth every two weeks and spends weekends with her father but it changes in the summer where she is required to spend 5 weeks with him.
Ex- spouses have a way of making life miserable even if the divorce is pleasant. Your ex might disappoint them, make impossible promises to them, teach them bad habits and then you are left dealing with the fallout. There are no easy answers just know this can happen and be honest with your kids about it. Try not to get emotionally wrapped up in it so that it poisons your relationship with your ex or your kids and try to help them see what they are doing but don't get them so involved that they feel as though they need to pick sides. Focus on your own relationships, not your past. Do your best to prepare your kids and your step kids for the future and life in the real world.
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